Photograph

Ed Sheeran

Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes
But it’s the only thing that I know

When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes
It is the only thing that makes us feel aliveWe keep this love in a photograph

We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken

And time’s forever frozen still

So you can keep me inside the pocket of your ripped jeans

Holding me closer ’til our eyes meet
You won’t ever be alone, wait for me to come home And if you hurt me

That’s okay baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won’t ever let you go

Wait for me to come home Love can heal, loving can mend your soul
And it’s the only thing that I know, know
I swear it will get easier,

Remember that with every piece…

Another favorite of mine. This one brings tears to my eyes. It reminds me of the boys singing with us, as we drove down the freeway, and they were in the back seat, singing their hearts out with us. **Sigh** (tears) :(…

A Thousand Years

Christina Perri

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I’m afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt, suddenly goes away somehowOne step closerI have died everyday, waiting for you
Darling, don’t be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand moreTime stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything, take away
What’s standing in front of me
Every breath, every hour has come to thisOne step closerI have died everyday, waiting for you
Darling, don’t be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand moreAnd all along I believed, I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a…

THIS is one of my favorite songs by Ed Sheeran:

Perfect I found a love for me
Darling just dive right in
And follow my lead
Well I found a girl beautiful and sweet
I never knew you were the someone waiting for me
‘Cause we were just kids when we fell in loveNot knowing what it was
I will not give you up this time
But darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own
And in your eyes you’re holding mineBaby, I’m dancing in the dark with you between my arms
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song
When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath
But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonightWell I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know
She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I’ll share her home
I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets
To carry love, to carry…

October

The past couple of months have been full of change, and life has been extremely rough. I realize now, that alot of what has happened is directly the result of a choice that was made by me. And, my, now, ex-wife had enough. 😦

I was an idiot, and ran from facing my demons, and didn’t get rid of it. Instead, allowed shame to play a major roll in my heart, and that literally destroyed any relationship that was had by myself and my ex-wife. I hid…simply the wrong thing to do.

November

the first two weeks of November, was numb and in shock. No communication with my ex-wife at all. And that greatly saddens my heart, and yet, completely understand. It is my hope that her heart and sould completely heals. I pray for her and the boys everynight. I work at an auto dealer, and find myself hoping I see them drive by. My heart misses them dearly. Have worked everyday in November, except for thanksgiving, which just stayed home, binge watched netflix, played xbox and ate a turkey tv-dinner. Found myself crying many times that day, simply missing the company of my ex and the boys. As a result of working everyday, it was my best sales month ever, and am grateful for that. I worked everyday, for my sanity, could not stay home, would just get in my head and feel sad and sorry for myself, and did not want to do that.

December

Well, a new month is here, and hope to have a good one in sales. Everyday, I think about my ex and the boys wondering how they are doing. Do they miss me? No communication with them, and understand that. Hope and pray that we can talk once again. At least in the not so distant future. That is my hope and prayer. So, find myself facing what has held me back, and now moving forward, and moving into an area of healing that has not been allowed in my heart, by me. It has to happen, for my health and for any future successes in all aspects of life. I’m not who I was just 45 days ago. Change has literally happened, and going to come out of this strong and who I am suppose to be. I miss my ex-wife and the boys dearly. Have no clue where they are, how they are. I have come to understand that she had to be in the hospital with the oldest for a week, and had no idea, that shocked me and saddened me at the same time. That had to have been a horrible experience. Well, moving forward. Will smile, heal and learn to walk in peace once again.